Perhaps it's a good thing that the Directors Guild Award ceremony wasn't televised. TV audiences were spared having to listen to Quentin Tarantino say "both my testicles were totally tingling through the whole thing," following Brad Pitt's introduction to his Inglourious Basterds director.
Or The Hurt Locker's Jeremy Renner saying – and I'm partly quoting The Wrap's Steve Pond's tweet here – that "the only thing to rival Kathryn Bigelow in a bikini is '[openly gay director] Lee Daniels in a one-piece.'" Lee Daniels one-upped Renner with an even more tasteless crack, telling Kathryn Bigelow: "Your movie is as beautiful as your legs. You make me question my sexuality."
Comments abounded on Bigelow's looks – in other words, on the fact that she's a woman. Had she been a handsome guy, I wonder how many remarks would have been made about his physical attributes. And how many male directors and presenters would be publicly questioning their sexuality.
On a positive note, James Cameron has apparently learned that in the Oscar race, humble and/or funny speeches (learn from Sandra Bullock) rank higher than what's on screen. According to Steve Pond, who was at the DGA Award's press room this evening, the Avatar filmmaker was "Mr. Humble, paying tribute to the other nominees: 'unutterably different' from each other, & how can you choose?"
My choice would have been Kathryn Bigelow. For one, I'm sure Bigelow made no remarks about presenter Brad Pitt's tight ass and didn't make any jokes about questioning her sexuality after looking at presenter Jodie Foster's gams. I'm also quite sure she made no stupid jokes about how pretty former husband James Cameron would look in a ballerina's tutu.
"This is the most incredible moment of my life," Bigelow said upon accepting her award. "And on that note, I will disappear."
If only the others had said as little as beautifully.
Note: All quotes in this post came from Steve Pond's tweets. His tweet job was an enormous help to those accompanying the DGA ceremony from far away. You can follow Pond's tweets here.
Photo: The Hurt Locker (Jonathan Olley / Summit Entertainment)