Sharon Stone, Isaiah Washington, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, and Gay Slurs: Part I
Grand Thesis:
Some may see Stone's statement "I call all my gay friends…" as proof positive that one can be ready, willing, and able to perform charitable deeds, and still be appallingly crass, vulgar, and disrespectful to others. But those much too sensitive souls are actually missing the point. What Stone's remarks and the "fag rag" line in Little Miss Sunshine prove is that "fag" isn't an issue.
Stone's Big Fag friends, for instance, apparently enjoy being called that. Perhaps they even refer to themselves as such (or as "Mary") while watching reruns of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, or while throwing deadly hissy fits because Dreamgirls failed to get a best picture Oscar nod. Just make sure you don't go around calling those gay guys Big Faggots.
And that's the crux of the matter. "Fag" is cool. It rhymes with "bag," "gag," "wag," and "Screen Actors Guild." "Faggot" ain't cool — it only rhymes with "maggot."
So, the big difference between "fag" and "faggot" is all about worms? No, stupid. It's all about got.
In order to make the world less conflicted and to create less embarrassment for bigoted celebrities, my suggestion would be to simply eliminate that offensive syllable — or word. Two great things would thus be accomplished:
- The verb "to get" would become a regular verb, as in get / getted / have getted. That would make it easier for both native and non-native English speakers.
- The folks at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation would spend their time doing something more productive than meeting with the likes of Isaiah Washington simply because he dared utter the unmentionable at a press conference. (I don't agree with Stone that people can't change their bigoted views. In fact, I know she's completely wrong. That said, even though Washington has publicly apologized for his remarks, I wonder what he's been saying and thinking in private, both before and after his anger management sessions.)
And while everyone debates the merits or the sheer inanity of the Washington brouhaha, gays continue to be denigrated, persecuted, and murdered away from the Hollywood limelight.
Whether Iraq's Muslim militias call guys who have sex with guys the Arab equivalent to "faggots" or the affectionate Arab version for "big fags," Iraqi gay/bi/tri/etc. men will go on being slaughtered because, big or small, fags and faggots are ultimately one and the same — perverts, depraved, lesser men, less than human. (The tragic irony is that like most everybody else in Iraq, gays had a considerably safer and more comfortable life before the American-led invasion.)
Curious, though hardly surprising detail: A Google news search for "isaiah – washington – faggot" brought in 1,685 hits. A Google news search for "gays – murdered – iraq – militias," led to all of two results. (Check out Doug Ireland's ZNet report.)
Back in Hollywood, Isaiah Washington should get a tip from Sharon Stone. Never use the word "faggot." Instead, call all your gay friends and co-workers Big Fags. Your co-stars and studio executives will roll down the aisles laughing, some cheesy gossip columnist will remark on your "delightfully profane great guy status," your rehab therapist will proclaim you cured, and our little rotting planet will keep on getting just a wee bit more rotten while spinning on its merry way to oblivion.