Golden Globes: Tina Fey & Amy Poehler + Ronan Farrow vs. Woody Allen Tribute

Golden Globes’ hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (photo © HFPA).

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler funny & daring enough at the 2014 Golden Globes telecast?

Acting as a lighter version of Ricky Gervais, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler took a series of (mostly) mild jabs at the rich and famous sitting in the audience at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills on Sunday evening, Jan. 12. As to be expected considering the sheer number of jokes, some hit their targets whereas others hit the floor.

Along the way, Fey and Poehler went for stereotypes when making fun of television viewers – “all of the women and gay men watching from home” – and targeted a physical attribute of one of this year’s (male) honorees, Woody Allen. Remarking on the fact that Allen and Martin Scorsese have both been named Cecil B. DeMille Award recipients – Scorsese in 2010 – Poehler reached the conclusion, much to the delight of the crowd, that the award must be given to the “tiniest man with the biggest glasses.” (I’m not sure if a male host poking fun of a big-sized actress would have elicited laughs or groans.)

For her part, Tina Fey derided last year’s group of nominees — aargh! and thumbs down – while praising the mega-wattage at the 2014 Golden Globes: Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Cate Blanchett, Michael Fassbender, Bradley Cooper, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Lawrence, Christian Bale, Michael Douglas, Al Pacino, Helen Mirren, etc. Matt Damon would have been “a big deal” any other year; this year, however, he was like a “garbage person.” (For the record: among the 2014 Golden Globe nominees were Ben Affleck, Jessica Chastain, Hugh Jackman, Marion Cotillard, and Daniel Day-Lewis, along with this year’s nominees Meryl Streep, Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Jennifer Lawrence, and Bradley Cooper.)

See also: “2014 Golden Globe Winners: Amy Adams & Jennifer Lawrence + Leonardo DiCaprio + Cate Blanchett.”

‘Ethnically daring’ jokes

There were also risqué jokes, such as a mention of Jonah Hill masturbating at pool parties (in reference to The Wolf of Wall Street), and a mix of both risqué and “ethnically daring” jokes, like when Amy Poehler, dressed up as Tina Fey’s young son, wondered if Idris Elba was her father. But no, Dad (apparently) turned out to be Harvey Weinstein.

Fey also took that tricky route when she referred to her “blacklist” – “who’s invited to my room tonight. I’m looking at you, Somali pirates. ‘I am the captain now,’” while the camera focused on Captain Phillips’ Best Supporting Actor nominee Barkhad Abdi. Golden Globe attendees (regardless of gender, it seems) were also advised to have sex with their limo drivers before they became famous. (Abdi used to be one, though the point of Fey’s joke remained fuzzy.)

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on the 2014 Golden Globes Red Carpet: ‘Women in Hollywood’ (image: © HFPA).

“Women in Hollywood” was the focus of several barbs, among them the following Tina Fey remarks:

• Alfonso Cuarón’s Gravity, starring Sandra Bullock and George Clooney, is “the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”
• Matthew McConaughey had to lose 45 pounds for his role in Dallas Buyers Club, “or what actresses call, being in a movie.”
• “Meryl Streep was so brilliant in August: Osage County, proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60.”

But by far the funniest Tina Fey-Amy Poehler joke had to do with Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave, which some have hailed as an eye-opening must-see. At one point, a freshly enlightened Poehler told the crowd that “after seeing that movie I will never look at slavery the same way again.”

The most humorous moment of the evening, however, belonged to neither Tina Fey nor Amy Poehler – but to double (film/TV) Golden Globe nominee Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Sitting in the film section, smoking an e-cigarette, and wearing shades à la Jack Nicholson, Louis-Dreyfus refused to acknowledge her television pals Fey and Poehler while motioning to Reese Witherspoon that no selfies were allowed.

Golden Globes 2014: Mostly tame and lame

But for the most part, the 2014 Golden Globes were both quite tame and quite lame, lacking wit, humor, and pathos. There were the usual unbearably dull Thank Yous – to company bosses and agents, Mom, Dad, Little Children – with American Hustle‘s Amy Adams telling the orchestra that they would not stop her from sending a message to her daughter, while later on Matthew McConaughey went on about life lessons he learned from his mother. Perhaps there are some who will find that sort of stuff immensely moving; but in several instances the get-the-hell-off music felt appropriate.

Speaking of the Golden Globe’s orchestra – the most obnoxious feature at this year’s telecast, along with the countless squeals of delight and phony surprise whenever someone won an award – Cate Blanchett delivered what may have been the best bit of the evening when she wondered out loud if people at home could hear the (get-lost) music, or if TV viewers thought Golden Globe winners suddenly started talking very fast because they had been unexpectedly seized by panic attacks.

Golden Globes hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler photos: © Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA).

2014 Golden Globes presenters Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock (photo © HFPA)

Golden Globes Winners: Mismatched Best Picture, Best Director and Best Screenplay

The members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association decided to spread the love around at the 2014 Golden Globes. Neither of the two Best Picture winners – Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave in the Drama category; David O. Russell’s American Hustle in the Comedy or Musical category – succeeded in taking home either the Best Director or the Best Screenplay Golden Globe. These went to, respectively, Alfonso Cuarón for the sentimental thriller Gravity and Spike Jonze for Her, starring Joaquin Phoenix as a man who falls in love with a computer featuring Scarlett Johansson’s voice.

American Hustle also managed to win two 2014 Golden Globes in the acting categories: Best Actress in a Motion Picture Comedy or Musical for Amy Adams and Best Supporting Actress for Jennifer Lawrence. The other acting winners were all over the place: Best Actor – Drama Matthew McConaughey and Best Supporting Actor Jared Leto for Jean-Marc Vallée’s AIDS drama Dallas Buyers Club, Best Actor – Comedy or Musical Leonardo DiCaprio for Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street, and Best Actress – Drama Cate Blanchett for Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine.

Previous Golden Globe’s Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay mismatches

Now, this is hardly the first time different movies have won Golden Globes in the Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Screenplay categories. You need to go back a mere two years ago, when Michel Hazanavicius’ The Artist and Alexander Payne’s The Descendants won Golden Globes for, respectively, Best Picture – Drama and Best Picture – Comedy or Musical, while the Golden Globe for Best Director went to Martin Scorsese for Hugo and Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris was named the Best Screenplay of the year.

Go back a little further, and you’ll find Joe Wright’s Atonement winning Best Picture – Drama, Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street winning Best Picture – Comedy or Musical, Julian Schnabel winning Best Director for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, and Joel and Ethan Coen winning Best Screenplay for No Country for Old Men.

And the year before that, Alejandro González-Iñárritu’s Babel was named Best Picture – Drama and Bill Condon’s Dreamgirls was the Best Picture – Comedy or Musical, while Martin Scorsese was the Best Director for The Departed and Peter Morgan won Best Screenplay for Stephen Frears’ The Queen.

Jacqueline Bisset vs. the Golden Globes 2014 get-lost orchestra

NBC or whoever organized the Golden Globes 2014 ceremony sat Jacqueline Bisset way in the back of the awards ceremony ballroom. Never mind the fact that Bisset’s film career began nearly half a century ago and that she was a Golden Globe nominee in the Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television category for the mini-series Dancing on the Edge. As a result, it took Bisset, who seemed about as surprised as everybody else when her named was called up, more than a minute to reach the stage.

Visibly moved, Bisset had to wait a few more seconds before she was able to talk. By the time she began with her somewhat rambling acceptance speech, the orchestra decided it was time for her to get off the stage already, and walk the long mile back to her seat (or to the press room and then back to her seat).

While talking, Jacqueline Bisset was momentarily bleeped, but the “shit” she uttered managed to be clearly understood. Notably, she also reminisced about her mother, who apparently was unforgiving when it came to people who gave her shit: “Go to hell and don’t come back.” Now, it’s unclear whether or not that was directed at the Golden Globe’s orchestra.

Anyhow, Jacqueline Bisset isn’t her mother, or so she claimed. Before blowing a kiss to the audience, the 69-year-old veteran actress added:

I believe, if you want to look good, you’ve got to forgive everybody. You have to forgive everybody, it’s the best beauty treatment. Forgiveness for yourself and for the others.

And that apparently means the obnoxious Golden Globes 2014 orchestra (clearly obeying orders from above) will – eventually – be forgiven.

By the way, Jacqueline Bisset’s 2014 Golden Globes competitors in the Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television category were the following: Janet McTeer for The White Queen; Hayden Panettiere for Nashville; Monica Potter for Parenthood, and Sofia Vergara for Modern Family.

Jacqueline Bisset movies include her film debut in Richard Lester’s The Knack… and How to Get It (1965); Peter Yate’s Bullitt (1968), opposite Steve McQueen (the actor, not the 12 Years a Slave director); George Seaton’s blockbuster Airport (1970), with Burt Lancaster, Jean Seberg, Dean Martin, Helen Hayes, and mad bomber Van Heflin (Bisset almost gets sucked off the plane); François Truffaut’s Best Foreign Language Film Oscar winner Day for Night / La Nuit américaine (1973), with veterans Valentina Cortese and Jean-Pierre Aumont; Peter Yate’s The Deep (1977), with Nick Nolte and Robert Shaw; and George Cukor’s Old Acquaintance remake Rich and Famous (1981), with Bisset and Candice Bergen in, respectively, the old Bette Davis and Miriam Hopkins roles.

More recently, Jacqueline Bisset was featured in Claude Chabrol’s socially conscious crime drama The Ceremony / La Cérémonie (1995), with Jean-Pierre Cassel, Isabelle Huppert, and Sandrine Bonnaire; C. Jay Cox’s gay Mormon romantic drama Latter Days (2003), with Steve Sandvoss and Wes Ramsey; Tony Scott’s frenetic Domino (2005), with Keira Knightley, Edgar Ramírez, and Mo’Nique; and Bernard Rose’s comedy-drama Two Jacks (2012), with Sienna Miller and Jack Huston.

Directed by Stephen Poliakoff, Dancing on the Edge stars Chiwetel Ejiofor and Matthew Goode.

Jacqueline Bisset Golden Globe nominations

This year’s marked Jacqueline Bisset’s first ever Golden Globe win. Bisset had been previously nominated for four Golden Globes:

• Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV for Christian Duguay’s Joan of Arc (1999)
• Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture for John Huston’s Under the Volcano (1984)
• Best Actress – Musical/Comedy for Ted Kotcheff’s Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? (1978)
• Most Promising Newcomer – Female for Harvey Hart’s The Sweet Ride (1968)

2014 Golden Globe winner for Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television Jacqueline Bisset photos: © Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA).

Golden Globes 2014 images

Naomi Watts and Mark Ruffalo © HFPA

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis © HFPA

Matt Damon © HFPA

Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock, Naomi Watts and Mark Ruffalo, Matt Damon, Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis photos: © Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA).

Woody Allen directing Cate Blanchett in ‘Blue Jasmine’

Woody Allen Golden Globes Tribute: Diane Keaton Homage, Son Ronan Farrow Attack

Accepting from presenter Emma Stone the 2014 Cecil B. DeMille Award for absentee Woody Allen, Diane Keaton (Sleeper, Love and Death, Annie Hall, Interiors, Manhattan, Manhattan Murder Mystery) was a likable presence at the January 12, 2014, Golden Globes ceremony, but her reminiscences about Allen were clearly PG-rated, going on about their “friendship” as if the two had always been just pals. Was that lullaby she sang moving or would Woody Allen have been right in yelling, “get the hook and get her off the god damn stage”? You decide.

Now, in all fairness, Diane Keaton’s Woody Allen tribute wasn’t all PG-rated treacle, as she was twice bleeped by the censors. Apparently, NBC – and the ludicrous FCC – believe television audiences should be treated as if we were all three-year-olds.

Woody Allen, immortality, and François Truffaut

Censorship on American television is an irritation, but hardly anything new. More disturbing was watching people laugh (Blue Jasmine star Cate Blanchett got a close up) at a Woody Allen comment about immortality. The “punchline,” which attendees found hilarious, was that immortality through film did François Truffaut no good.

Here’s the Woody Allen quote, as told by Diane Keaton at the Golden Globes ceremony (via The Hollywood Reporter):

One of the nice things about writing or any art is that if the thing’s real, it just kind of lives. All the success over it or the rejection, none of that really matters because in the end, the thing will survive or not survive on its merits. Immortality via art is no big deal. François Truffaut died. His films live on, but that’s not much help to François Truffaut. As I’ve said many times, rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.

A father of three and at the time in a relationship with Fanny Ardant, Truffaut died of a brain tumor at age 52 in 1984.

Cecil B. DeMille Award

Prior to Woody Allen, Cecil B. DeMille Award recipients include Samuel Goldwyn, Barbara Stanwyck, Robert Redford, Joan Crawford, Laurence Olivier, Robert De Niro, Audrey Hepburn, Steven Spielberg, Judy Garland, Jodie Foster, Warren Beatty, Doris Day, Jean Hersholt, Bette Davis, Alfred Hitchcock, Shirley MacLaine, Lauren Bacall, Anthony Hopkins, Barbra Streisand, Gene Kelly, Sophia Loren, Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, Sean Connery, Sidney Poitier, Jack Nicholson, Lucille Ball, Red Skelton, and Harrison Ford.

Also: Michael Douglas (this year’s Best Actor winner for the television movie Behind the Candelabra), Robin Williams, Anthony Quinn, Hal B. Wallis, Morgan Freeman, Robert Mitchum, Gene Hackman, James Stewart, John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, Walt Disney, Charlton Heston, Darryl F. Zanuck, Maurice Chevalier, Mervyn LeRoy, Jack Warner, Buddy Adler, Clint Eastwood, Henry Fonda, Frank Sinatra, and Cecil B. DeMille himself.

As an aside: On Twitter, one individual wondered how many Hollywood Foreign Press Association members could name a single Cecil B. DeMille movie. For my part, I also wondered – but didn’t bother tweeting about it – how many of those film people present at the Beverly Hilton Hotel’s ballroom could have named one single François Truffaut movie. (That is, apart from Jacqueline Bisset, who starred for Truffaut in Day for Night back in 1973. And no, Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, in which Truffaut has a supporting role, doesn’t count.)

Mia Farrow and Ronan Farrow

Speaking of Twitter, Rosemary’s Baby star, and former Woody Allen companion and co-star Mia Farrow (Zelig, Broadway Danny Rose, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Hannah and Her Sisters, Radio Days, Another Woman, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Alice, Husbands and Wives) tweeted the following: “At last a perfect description of the Hollywood Foreign press: ‘a gaggle of characters’- Robin Wright.”

Needless to say, don’t expect a Cecil B. DeMille Award for Mia Farrow any time soon.

There’s more: Ronan Farrow, Mia Farrow and Woody Allen’s 26-year-old son (or, “possibly,” Mia Farrow and Frank Sinatra’s), tweeted the following: “Missed the Woody Allen tribute – did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?”

Needless to say, Ronan Farrow’s 140 characters were a phenomenal hit, getting retweeted 9,860 times as of Monday morning.

Photo of Woody Allen directing Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine: Sony Pictures Classics.

Best Actress – Drama Golden Globe nominee Emma Thompson in ‘Saving Mr. Banks’

2014 Golden Globes live streaming online: Red Carpet arrivals

You can watch the Red Carpet arrivals at the 2014 Golden Globes live streaming online beginning at 7 p.m. ET (4 p.m. PT) here. The Golden Globes ceremony itself starts at 8 p.m. ET (5 p.m. PT). This year, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler will be returning as the show’s host(esse)s. Below is what was described as a Golden Globes live streaming online video of the Red Carpet Pre-Show, but that in actuality is a studio-bound Golden Globes 2014 pre-show featuring a discussion about this year’s nominees. Further down below you’ll find a list of 2014 Golden Globes presenters. (As they’re announced, the 2014 Golden Globes winners, including our fearless predictions.)

Golden Globes 2014 presenters

You may be able to spot several (or most or all) of those on the Golden Globe’s live streaming Red Carpet: Last year’s Best Director winner Ben Affleck (Argo), Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, Orlando Bloom, Sandra Bullock, Jim Carrey, Jessica Chastain, Emilia Clarke, Sean Combs, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Aaron Eckhart, Chris Evans, Amber Heard, Jonah Hill, Taylor Kinney, Niki Lauda, Paula Patton, Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, Jesse Spencer, Emma Stone, Emma Thompson, Usher, Christoph Waltz, and Kevin Bacon.

More Golden Globes 2014 presenters: Julie Bowen, Laura Dern, Robert Downey Jr., Jimmy Fallon, Colin Farrell, Tom Hanks, Chris Hemsworth, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Lawrence, Melissa McCarthy, Seth Meyers, Liam Neeson, Chris O’Donnell, Margot Robbie, Mark Ruffalo, Kyra Sedgwick, Channing Tatum, Uma Thurman, Emma Watson, Naomi Watts, Olivia Wilde, and Reese Witherspoon.

Golden Globes 2014 nominations

Among the nominees (including the directors and producers of nominated films) for the 2014 Golden Globes – and who may be seen parading along the 2014 Golden Globe’s live streaming Red Carpet – are: Cate Blanchett and Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine; Alfonso Cuarón and Sandra Bullock (and perhaps non-nominee George Clooney), Gravity; Judi Dench and Stephen Frears, Philomena; John Lee Hancock, Emma Thompson, and Tom Hanks, Saving Mr. Banks; and Kate Winslet, Labor Day.

Also: Amy Adams, Christian Bale, Jennifer Lawrence, David O. Russell, and Bradley Cooper, American Hustle; Julie Delpy, Before Midnight; Greta Gerwig, Frances Ha; Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Enough Said; Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts, August: Osage County; Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, Steve McQueen, screenwriter John Ridley, composer Hans Zimmer, and Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave; Idris Elba, composer Alex Heffes, and songwriters Bono, The Edge, and Adam Clayton, Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom.

More: Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club; Robert Redford and composer Alex Ebert, All Is Lost; Bruce Dern, Alexander Payne, screenwriter Bob Nelson, and June Squibb, Nebraska; Oscar Isaac, and Joel and Ethan Coen, Inside Llewyn Davis; Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese, The Wolf of Wall Street; Joaquin Phoenix and Spike Jonze (and non-nominee Scarlett Johansson), Her. Paul Greengrass and Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips; and Ron Howard and Daniel Brühl (and non-nominee Chris Hemsworth), Rush.

In the Golden Globes 2014 Television categories, the nominees include Julianna Margulies, Tatiana Maslany, Taylor Schilling, Kerry Washington, Robin Wright, Zooey Deschanel, Lena Dunham, Edie Falco, Helena Bonham Carter, Rebecca Ferguson, Jessica Lange, Helen Mirren, Elisabeth Moss, Bryan Cranston, and Liev Schreiber.

Here are a few more names: Michael Sheen, Kevin Spacey, James Spader, Jason Bateman, Don Cheadle, Michael J. Fox, Jim Parsons, Andy Samberg, Matt Damon, Michael Douglas, Al Pacino, Josh Charles, Rob Lowe, Aaron Paul, Corey Stoll, Jon Voight, Jacqueline Bisset, Janet McTeer, Hayden Panettiere, Monica Potter, and Sofia Vergara.

Woody Allen: Cecil B. DeMille Award

Woody Allen won’t be attending the 2014 Golden Globes ceremony – and thus, Golden Globes live streaming or no, will be nowhere to be found on the Red Carpet – but Diane Keaton is expected to show up to collect his Cecil B. DeMille Award – the Golden Globe’s Career Achievement Award. Previous Cecil B. DeMille Award winners include Samuel Goldwyn, Barbara Stanwyck, Hal B. Wallis, Laurence Olivier, Joan Crawford, Robert Mitchum, Robert De Niro, Audrey Hepburn, Steven Spielberg, Judy Garland, Jodie Foster, Warren Beatty, Doris Day, Bette Davis, Shirley MacLaine, Lauren Bacall, Anthony Hopkins, Barbra Streisand, Gene Kelly, Sophia Loren, Dustin Hoffman, Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Lucille Ball, Anthony Quinn, Morgan Freeman, Gene Hackman, and Cecil B. DeMille himself.

Best Actress – Drama Golden Globe nominee Emma Thompson Saving Mr. Banks photo: Walt Disney Studios.